I know my neighbours are probably waiting for the men in white coats to take me away as all there here is my screeching voice. I never had any desire to be a mum or I do not remember it.

First the pressure was to get married and when I finally did I thought the pestering would stop. I remember someone asking me ‘does your husband love you?’, because I was not pregnant, give me a break I’ve only been married a couple of months.

Fast forward and I have been married over 6 years and have three boys who were born in quick succession the biggest difference being one year and four months. The eldest will be 5 in February, the middle one will be 4 in March and the youngest 3 in July. It has been a struggle and some days well most days I have wanted to run back to my care free single life but then in another instance I feel overwhelming guilt as I know I cannot imagine my life without them.

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I could not take it anymore, I was more exhausted then usual and my head felt like ticking time bomb. The boys had ramped there craziness to a level where I just gave up and let them win. I just shut the kitchen door and got the dinner ready and hoped they would stop. I called them to the table and the bombardment of opinions started, five minutes later everything apart from their mouths were covered in rice and juice and then one of them decided to vomit.

At this point I had, had enough they did not deserve food ungrateful gits! I sent them away and just sat there looking at the mess, why me, I asked myself. By the time my husband got home I was ready to explode, I wanted to scream so hard that the windows would shatter. Instead I cried, I had not had one for ages and it felt so good as the tension seem to seep out and my head felt lighter. Maybe sometimes a good cry is what we need to just let everything out, even if it didn’t mean that my kids were suddenly angels at least my head was intact for another day.


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