Being a woman 

On Saturday night my husband went out to watch the boxing (Anthony Joshua) with my brothers. He hardly goes out so I am not complaining but there was a bit of me that was jealous that he could just go out at the drop of a hat. I recently went out for a Birthday dinner with a friend, which had to be organised three weeks in advance. When it came to the day I was running around like a headless chicken making sure the evening was sorted for the boys.

I have always been surrounded by men(boys) be it in my family (my Abaaji (grandad), dad, two brothers) at school in my economics A level class I was the only girl whilst at university there was only two of us in the accounting lectures. My husband family is male dominated as well, they are three brothers (including him) and one sister. I have three boys and seven nephews in comparison to only two nieces.

Even in this age it seems like it’s a man’s world as in the USA despite Donald Trumps ‘locker room talk’ deminising women being exposed. The voting public would still rather he lead the country then a woman.Women have to work twice as hard in order to break the stereotype of not just being a pretty face.

In many cultures the birth of a female is met with a sense of sadness as it will not guarantee them a continuation of their blood line. Seen as a burden as parents cannot afford the drowy of the Rolex watch or other ridiculous demands that are made for their daughter which makes it seem like a business deal rather than a joining of two families. In many countries females are treated as second class citizens where they live a life of struggle and the future is bleak.

Yet without women who is going to produce the so called prized heirs of tomorrow. The men/boys that are celebrated and yearned for our carried in our wombs. For some women the nine months of labour is not a pleasant experience. If it’s not the all day sickening then the tiredness hit as you waddle like a penguin on your walk to the station whilst dragging your laptop on wheels which you can no longer carry.

My first pregnancy was probably the most traumatic as I suffered with severe migraine style headache’s which constantly felt like my head was going to explode. I had numerous blood tests and days of work which they were not to happy with. I had a raised ESR which is a form of temporal arthritis (temporal relating to the temples and the blood passing through) luckily for me it passed and was very very mild. The last semester was a struggle of a different kind as my  body stretching and the active baby meant immense pressure on my pubic bone leading to PSD for which I needed physio for. Then there was labour that is a story for another day.

Would I rather be a man, let me think…so that means no periods, baby fat, labour. First I’ll be looked after by my mother then find myself a second one when I’m an older. One who looks after me like a child and the house and makes a million! I could then compare this generation of women to that of my parents and tell them where there going wrong. Where do I sign up to this life?

Maybe I was a bit unfair, men have a hard life, they have to listen to their wife/partner moan about being pregnant. Deal with their mood swings, if you say your going to be ten minutes and you turn up a hour late what do you expect. Also they get to cut the cord and in most cases carry their new born first!

I look at my own mother in admiration as she is the core of not only our immediate family but everyone in the wider family and our community. My parents house is and has always been an open house and no matter what the time you will be guaranteed a meal. Then I look at her again and my eyes well up, she works from the moment she gets up to the second she sleeps and even then I’m sure her brain is still thinking.

She has high blood pressure, has had an angina and suffered from an incident of depression, takes a cocktail of medicine on a daily basis. She takes on board problems that are not hers and gets weighed down with the pressure of resolving them.

When I feel fed up my boys come and cheer me up with their hugs and kisses. They follow me round and at the end want me to put them to bed. I got to feel their first kicks and shared nine months of closeness that is worth every second. My eldest first word was Mum. I see the relationship my brothers have with my mum and it’s brings a sense of happiness as that is achievement that no career can give you.

My religion Islam celebrates the female and advices of treating her as an equal despite what the culture surrounds us says. Both the Quran (30:21) and the Bible (Gensis 2:22) agree that Hawa (Eve) was created from Adam (pbuh) rib to stand by his side. Not just a meer reproductive machine. Furthermore the quote below states the importance of respect to women.

Abu Hurayra stated, “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, ‘The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.'” [At-Tirmidhi]

As a female you are stronger than any male maybe not always in physical strength but then again that is debatable as I have heard of a male comparing peeing a kidney stone as equivalent or worse than labour. No male has the mental strength or capacity to love and care and without us there would be no them. So no matter what struggle you are going through just remember you are female and if anyone can achieve greatness you can.

Right on that postive note I better get back to being a mum and give the boys there dinner.


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