Checked in 

To my horror I have just been told that there is a fifty percent chance that I will not regain feeling in some part of my bottom lip, tongue or chin. I was told about this before but there was only a two percent chance of this being permanent in my lip. How has this jumped so massively? Has the registrar got it confused like he just did the movement on the jaw, I really hope so.

On top of all of that it’s my blasted time of the month. So my back feels as though it’s going to collapse from the pressure. If anyone tells you the pain gets better after childbirth, well it’s a lie as I’m still suffering after three. On a positive note the woman next door has finally shut up! Thank God as I had, had quite enough of listening to her go on about her constipation. If you have been lying in hospital after surgery for a few days and not moving much what do you expect. 

It’s just after half nine so I guess I should get ready for bed as I have already had a long day. Deep cleaning and organising clothes. The thought of not leaving a perfect house behind was giving me more anixety than the actual outcome of the operation. So I feel slightly more relaxed that a majority of what I wanted, got done. The nurse has started her off again, I am not one to get annoyed but I really do not care about your bloody bowel movements! Arghhhhhh! 

Just had my last observation done for tonight, the usual blood pressure, temperature bit of friendly chat about life. Him reassuring me that the operation will go well. I have noticed that kindness and emphathy may not make your worries go away but in that moment he lifted my spirits and made me smile. 

I guess all that is left to say is goodbye old face, you’ve served me well for over thirty  years. I feel both excited and anxious as the wait of over six years is almost all but over. I am most looking forward to being back home with my boys as without you my world is empty. I hope and pray that the operation goes well tomorrow so that I can give you all the biggest hug, I miss you like crazy. I know I am constantly screaming at you but I love you all with every bit of me and am sorry. 

If I do not make it through tomorrow just know that you were my greatest achievements and that when ever you close your eyes I will be there watching over you all. I know you will get me through tomorrow and I must remain positive. Yes I know I am only having Jaw Surgery and it’s not life threatening but when you become a mother your are no longer your own priority and I would never want it any other way. 

Rest assured I am not sitting here bawling my eyes out, instead I am feeling rather calm and shattered at the same time. So on that note I am off to get some much needed shut eye after one quick goodnight with the youngest.

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