Day 18 – Swelling 

Not much to smile about, another night spent as a zombie,  where the brain felt dead to the world but the eyes just cannot comprehend shutting as they miss the red numbers changing on the alarm clock. Add to this nausea, the blocked sinuses especially the constant crackling and popping of my ears and all hope is lost. Negativity is flowing from me like the shooting pain in my face. Oh please God make it go away, even if it is for a day. 

I want to rest my head but have to wait the dreaded hour so that I can drug myself to a pain free sleep. Well here is to dreaming. I know my blogs are becoming to sound like all I do is moan, but I need to as I cannot see light at the end of the tunnel. We all deal with recovery different and have different pain threshold. I have been through labour three times so I know immense pain, the last one was in the car so there was not even gas and air in sight. The joy of having a baby takes away a lot of the pain. Right now all I am getting is an aching in my mouth that makes it feel like my brain is going to explode and swelling. 

Then there is feeling of being useless as a person, having to rely on my family as I am too drugged up to drive. As a mum I am failing, my boys are being picked up by those around me. My eldest is living at my parents just so he can get some attention and watch those stupid videos on YouTube. I am so frustrated but just do not know what to do right now. I can only hope tomorrow brings less pain so that I can function. 

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