4 Today 

I have just about got over the fact that the eldest has turned 5 and then in no time at all the middle one is 4 today. When ever I look at him I am so grateful, not that I am any less for the other two. I was so exhausted being a new mum and organising my brothers wedding that I did not even realise I was pregnant with him, until I was nearly at the end of the first semester. Although apparently everyone around me had guessed? 

I had my first scan, and yes I still got the butterflies and my heart melted seeing the image of my baby (okay more foetus at this stage). Then the sonographer started taking the measurements, abd there is silence. The silence is unbearable but I do not read too much into it as it happened with the first as well. Soon my fear is realised as the news is delivered that the fluid around the neck is just above average and in conjunction with my booking in bloods makes my pregnancy high risk for Downs syndrome or other chromosome abnormalities. The consultant was going to speak to us in more detail. 

My world felt as though it had just come crashing down, how could you give me a life and then in the next second take it away. I tried so hard to stop the tears from rolling down my face, but the lump in my throat felt as though it would explode. My husband held my hand and squeezed it, he was being strong for me. I would never wish that utter devastion of knowing that your unborn child would not be able to live a full healthy life. 

The consultant came in, and at that point I had managed to hold it together, also the fact the older one had started demanding attention. She explained what would happen next and our options. The dreaded abortion was mentioned and I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. After much deliberation I decided to have an amniocentesis as I knew in my heart no matter the result I would have my baby, but this would help prepare us better so that we had all tools to make life as full as possible.

I remember ringing my brother and crying hysterically down the phone to him and I know inside he was crying to as a sibling love knows no bounds. I rang my dad as I couldn’t tell my mum, well not until it was confirmed or I could do it face to face. He tried to calm me down, and reassured me that Allah has a plan and that he will be the strongest of them all!

The results came back negative, but as a caution further scans were carried out to keep an eye on the progress of the baby. Each time I would get so worked up before hand and cry myself to sleep. Once the seed of doubt had been planted every day I expected something to go wrong. Being pregnant and being a new mum really did take its toll on my emotions. Then I got told I had an anterior placenta which meant it was more difficult to have a natural labour as the placenta got in the way. 
I decided to change hospitals for labour as  the previous one had been a nightmare in which I was prepped for surgery (going into theatre and having a spinal), then last minute had a natural birth with forceps much like the birth of his father. I definitely made the right choice as I actually enjoyed the labour, not the pain so much as I needed an epidural. It was a relaxed affair and the husband even popped out to pick up a takeaway. 

He was finally born at 00.56 and he was perfect, very hungry but perfect. I loved him so much and never wanted to let him go, but he needed to be weighed and checked. He fed for ages and I was beyond delighted that he was healthy. All the fear had gone and in its place was so much love. 

My dads words will always ring true. I cannot wait for him to wake up in the morning so that I can give him the biggest kiss, more like kisses and hugs. He has been the model baby from day one and is growing up to have the biggest heart. I know I am his mum and you think I am being biased but I would not change anything about him he is perfect. Happy Birthday my beautiful boy! 

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